


The Small Things We Suffer (They're Infinitesimal)

by Risingwood



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, a lot of hurt though, this is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 09:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10303211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Risingwood/pseuds/Risingwood
Summary: He’d come home, after all these years.  And Edd couldn't be happier.





	

When he’d gotten the call a week ago that Tord would be coming back, Edd had felt warm.Memories had come flooding back into his mind.Memories that he had long tried to forget.The touch of his hands.The softness of his lips.The honey-colored hair that he used to love running his fingers though.

The red hoodie that always smelled like him, no matter how many times it spun in the washer.

Edd could still remember how his heart fluttered every time he saw that _smile._ They were always together, giving each other secret looks that only the two of them understood.Tom had known what was going on, even without being told.Even Matt knew something was up.But neither Edd nor Tord had cared at all.At that mattered was that they were sharing something special, together.

It had been great.Good times.Everything had been wonderful.

So when Tord had sat him down, and explained the plans for his future, Edd had been, to put it lightly, heartbroken.He was leaving, to go to the city?To follow his dreams?What _dreams?_ What was he possibly hoping to find in the city that he couldn’t find back at the suburban home with his friends?With his…

What had they even been?Boyfriends?Lovers?Those words had never been uttered between them.An unspoken rule; don’t give it a name and it won’t be weird.

And it had been far from weird.It had been perfect, if Edd was being honest.He couldn’t remember a time when he’d been happier.

Years after he’d left, Edd rarely thought of him.Once in a while, sure, but each day was less and less until Tord was just a blip in the back of his mind.A distant memory that he tried to forget. 

But the second Edd saw him, smiling and looking as friendly as ever, Edd’s heart had nearly stopped.He was still wearing that red hoodie that Edd craved to touch.He bet it was softer now from the many more years of wear.Maybe that’s why, when Tord gave him a hug, Edd held on a little longer than he should have.

Edd was happy.Tord was back.He’d come _home,_ after all these years.

But despite the pure joy that having Tord back brought him, Edd felt… odd.Tord’s appearance had been so sudden.Tom was suspicious, but that was just how he was.Even years ago when the four had been roommates, Tom had been against Tord.And vice versa, unfortunately.But Tom had never really tried to fight with Tord in front of Edd.Perhaps it was because Tom could see how much Tord meant to Edd.

Still, Tord hadn’t given a reason for his return.When they’d spoken on the phone, it’d been very brief.He was glad he hadn’t ignored the unknown number.Tord probably wouldn’t have left a voicemail, knowing him.It wasn’t until Edd and Tord were alone on the couch, watching some silly kid’s show mindlessly to pass the time, that he questioned Tord.

_“Why did you come back?”_

Edd’s question hung in the air.He watched Tord’s face for any sign of emotion, but found none.Tord didn’t turn to look at him back. 

_“I want to try and start again with you.”_  

Tord’s simple answer had Edd’s heart somersaulting.‘Start again’?With… Edd?Tord wanted to start again.Edd knew what that meant.Well, he _hoped_ he understood what it meant, at least.He looked down at the empty popcorn bowl between them.Only a few unpopped kernels were left.A nagging thought in the back of his head threatened to come out of his mouth.He let it. 

_“You never called.”_  

Tord didn’t respond to Edd’s comment.He laughed at something on the TV, pointing a finger at the screen.Edd glanced at him, unable to fight his own smile.Laughing along, Edd’s body relaxed.It was nice having him home again.And if he wanted to try their relationship again… Well, Edd wasn’t going to stop him.

That night, Edd was sure he’d made the right choice by letting Tord back into the house.Sure, Tom may have been gone, which did make Edd a bit sad.But Tom would be back.He was just overreacting, as he tended to do.He’d be alright, he’d get used to Tord.The discomfort would dissipate, and they’d all be friends again, right?Just like old times.

Edd checked his watch.It’d gotten late.The moonlight shone through the living room window, and Edd could feel his eyelids drooping slightly.He shut them, and the next thing he knew, he was being woken up from slumber.

“Mm…?” Edd made a noise, opening his eyes to see Tord sitting next to him.The popcorn bowl was gone and the TV was off.Tord said nothing.Edd stared up at him.He opened his mouth to ask what Tord was doing, but stopped.An arm looped around his neck.Fingers traced the skin of his neck.

Edd’s mind raced.Suddenly, he was twenty-two again, his heart rate increasing from the closeness of another body.

Tord’s lips were warm.Chapped.Soft.Like heaven.

He didn’t know how long they spent on the couch like that.Time didn’t exist when they were together like this.All that mattered was where Tord’s hands and mouth were, and how Tord seemed to fit perfectly on his lap as they continued.He had a fleeting thought that he’d have to wear something with a higher neckline the next day.

Edd didn’t dream that night.When he awoke, he found himself still on the couch.His neck was sore and Tord was nowhere to be found. 

The day went by quickly.Edd had plenty to think about.And plenty to hide.His hoodie stayed up around his head, the drawstrings pulled to keep it in place.Red marks littered his throat, and he didn’t want others to see.

Matt hadn’t questioned it when they ate lunch together.As usual, he was preoccupied with telling Edd and Tord about the latest self-grooming technique he read about in a magazine.This time it was a skin care routine that was supposed to give you clear skin in just six hours.Edd tried to listen, but it was challenging when Tord kept giving him _looks._

He smiled softly at the other, unable to keep eye contact.It’d been fun last night.And he hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed Tord.It was definitely the start of something new.Edd wouldn’t have to pretend he was lonely anymore.He had something to fill the space that he’d been desperate to fill for years.His friends helped, of course, but they hadn’t been able to fulfill Edd’s need for physical closeness.Nothing compared to the warmness of Tord’s body close to his own.

They spent the day watching TV again, Matt included this time.Edd thanked whatever god was above that Matt was oblivious to his third-wheeling.The awkwardness of it would have driven Edd mad.He found it hard to concentrate on the movie, instead focusing his attention on the man next to him.

Their hands met in their shared popcorn bowl whenever Edd reached for more.Their legs brushed against each other’s when either of them shifted sitting position.Their eyes met during the movie’s bad romance scenes.

Edd felt a burst of confidence that he usually didn’t feel in those sorts of situations.He left his hand linger longer than before in the popcorn bowl.His fingers laced with Tord’s for a moment.He would give anything to know what Tord was thinking of at that moment.

Instead, Tord left with the mumbled excuse of needing water.

And immediately, Edd was anxious.He knew how Tord felt about public affection.A memory of years ago resurfaced; Tord pulling his hand away when Edd had tried to grab it outside.So why had Edd tried it again, now?It was stupid, he was dumb for thinking this time would be any different.

Night fell and once again, Edd found himself under siege of Tord’s lips and teeth.The couch had become a meeting place for emotions and desire.But only when alone.It became _their_ spot.And every time, he woke with no one next to him.

Edd wasn’t an idiot.He knew something was wrong.But he couldn’t question it.He wouldn't let himself think about it.He didn’t want anything to be wrong.Everything was supposed to be perfect now that Tord was back home.Everything should have been falling into place.

Apparently, Tord had other plans.

The sight of the giant mech in front of their house was what brought Edd to reality.Something was wrong.He didn’t have to see the person inside to know who it was.

He shouted up at the man inside.

_“I thought we were friends!”_

Friends.Is that what they were?Is that all?It felt wrong saying it.

But it didn’t matter.

His words were met with laughter.Tord was laughing.At Edd.The feeling was worse than he could have ever imagined.Worse than years ago, when Tord had moved out.Worse than how Edd had felt every night since then, lying awake in hopes that maybe tomorrow would be the day Tord would finally call.

He stood nearby, staring up at the red mech containing someone he didn’t know.The face and body were the same.The voice was the same voice he’d heard softly in his ear each night on the couch.But this wasn’t Tord.It was someone else.A power-hungry stranger who just happened to share everything physical with the Tord that Edd had…

_Loved?_ Had it been that?

The next events were a blur.Edd wasn’t sure what was happening.His mind was filled with nothing but static.He couldn’t hear, see, smell, nothing felt correct.

Keep cool.Crack a joke.His body moved on its own, flashing a smile that felt deceitful. 

Buttons were pressed.Edd saw Tord struggling inside the mech.It felt wrong.It hurt Edd to see it.But they couldn’t let him get away. 

_He wasn’t going to leave again this time._

Edd stared at the large red button on the control panel.Self-destruct.His mind fought itself, the decision too scary for Edd to make.

_Press it.Press it, and this will all be over._

But he couldn’t do it, no matter how much the logical part of his brain told him to _._ He was afraid.The second he pressed it, there’d be no more Tord.No more blonde hair that shone gold in the sunlight, no more sly smiles that Edd adored.

His head was muddled.

Everything Tord had done since he’d been back, had it all been a lie?The nights spent together?Every time their lips had met, had it all been a _joke_ to Tord?

His fists clenched.His heart sunk.Edd reached up and lightly touched a bruise on his neck.It hurt, but he barely felt the small jolt of pain.

The harpoon hit the mech.Everything flashed in an explosion of red and orange.Edd didn’t bother covering his ears.The sound was loud enough to give him an immediate migraine.

Edd was cold.

**Author's Note:**

> love me some angst for these Suffer Boys™
> 
> ive never written eddsworld fic before and i didnt think id be getting into the fandom in 2017, but here i am folks


End file.
